Today is ten days, which are one week and three days of the Omer. Tiferet of Gevurah: The Six and Five of Wands.

Tiferet holds the Dynamic Tension between Chesed and Gevurah, creating a Balance that is an expression of Beauty. It is the Sephira of the Open Heart, able to feel all the love and all the pain that is the expansion and contraction of Chesed and Gevurah—and to feel all this with Compassion for the tension of this duality.

In fact, this expansion and contraction is what a heart does every second, it is the rhythm of life itself. This rhythm also characterizes each breath we take, expanding as we breathe in, and contracting as we breathe out.

How does Tiferet express itself through Gevurah, and how do I see this expression in today’s pair of images?

In the Six of Wands there is a man who has been lifted above the rest, who has been recognized as a leader by those who surround him. Perhaps he has been chosen for this position because he is the one who is able to hold the Dynamic Tension of the Balance between Chesed and Gevurah, which would make him the natural selection for leadership. He brings order to the disorganization we see in the Five of Wands. But it’s important to remember that leadership is a position of service, not a position of superiority. If the man on the horse begins to feel above the others, then he has lost touch with himself and his community.

I noted last week that one of the customs of the Omer period is to read a chapter from the Pirke Avot, The Wisdom of Our Ancestors, each week on Shabbat. And today there is a teaching of Rabban Gamliel from Chapter 2 that feels appropriate for this reading of the Six of Wands:

“And those who labor in public affairs should work for the community and for the sake of Heaven rather than for their own power.”

Pirke Avot, 2:2

 Here, leadership is understood as working for the community. Of course, taking on such a position of leadership calls for personal Sacrifice, and sacrifice is also one of the qualities of Tiferet.

This gives us a way to discern whether those who are leaders are working for the sake of the people or for themselves. Looking at how Senator from Georgia, Kelly Loeffler, or the Senator from North Carolina, Richard Burr, sold stocks at a profit after being briefed about the danger to the country of COVID-19. They took millions in profits all the while downplaying the danger of the pandemic to our lives and economy. This tells us right away that these are leaders who are in it for their own wealth and power, and are not working for the community.

But that’s pointing at others. And the point of counting the Omer is refinement of one’s own character defects. So one question I need to ask myself is when I take a position of leadership in a group, do I use it as an opportunity to serve or for self-aggrandizement?

Now one of the things I do in my book is I give key words for each of the Sephirot, so that readers can create their own permutations for each day, finding the one that works best for where they are and they feel applies in some way to the images on the cards. A few of today’s permutations include:

Compassion within Judgement

Beauty within Structure

Balance within Power

Truth within Discernment

Compassion within Discipline

Open-heartedness within Boundaries

Dynamic Equilibrium within Organization

You can create more permutations from these combinations, as well as from the other key words for these Sephirot listed in my book, Tarot and the Gates of Light.

As I try to live within the discipline of social distancing, can I have compassion for myself? As I try to live within the discipline of keeping up my daily practices, can I have compassion for myself when I slip instead of falling into the self-judgment and criticism that is a negative expression of Gevurah? As I walk down the street or enter a store can I keep my boundaries secure and still stay open-hearted to everyone else?

These are some of the questions that come up for me today. What questions arise for you?

Today is nine days, which is one week and two days of the Omer. Gevurah of Gevurah: the Five of Wands, Cups, Swords and Pentacles.

One day each week there is a day that the day’s Sephira and the week’s Sephira is the same—and today is one of those days with the Gevurah that is within Gevurah. Looking at the corresponding cards in the four suits, it would not be a surprise if you had the impression that they all show the negative face of this Sephira.

Among the qualities of this Sephira is the ability to set boundaries. The question is, are these boundaries an expression of severity and harshness (two other characteristics of Gevurah) or are these boundaries an expression of inner strength and discernment (another two characteristics of this energy)?

Right now we’re all be asked to maintain a very specific boundary of at least 6 feel from other people in public. The whole world in fact is straining under this rule. For some it feels like punishment. Others, who only think of themselves rather than see themselves as interdependent, see this as an infringement of their rights. And there are those of us who are doing the best we can to live within this strict regimen of social distancing. There’s no question that it feels harsh and severe even if the underlying reason for it is one of love.

And it must be enforced, since there are those who will not follow this difficult path. Imagine a parent whose child is about to put a hand in an open flame. The parent will scoop up the child, or swat away the hand to protect it. The child will not understand this as protective, but as an imposition and will start crying and wailing. Today there are a lot of adult children who are crying and wailing. In some states they’re protesting outside the state capital, complaining that they’ve lost their right to worship together in a church, or to shop when and where they please. They lack another quality of Gevurah—the ability to restrain themselves. And there is no parent who will swoop in to protect them from themselves, and by extension, protects us from them.

I’d like to concentrate today on the image in the Five of Swords, since for me this is an image that captures the breakdown of social structures. In the distance we see two figures who are unarmed. We can assume they were in fact holding swords but for some reason they’ve dropped them and appear distracted and focused elsewhere. Meanwhile a figure in the foreground is busily picking up the swords—this figure seems to have a smirk. The others have left themselves undefended. They’ve let their guard, their boundaries, down. And this puts them in danger that they don’t see. This could easily be a society that has abandoned the rule of law, so that those who would take advantage of others face no consequences.

I feel like this is the situation we’re living through. Those whose responsibility it is to maintain the social structure by defending boundaries at a national level have abandoned that responsibility. Which is why the United States has more cases than any other country in the world. Well, USA USA number 1 as they say.

But what have I learned about myself in this situation on this, the 9th day? I have the inner Strength to live with these Boundaries. I also chafe at these Boundaries, even when I know they’re for my benefit.

I am filled with Harsh Judgment and Criticism of those I see as not acting with concern for others. And while I believe these people deserve Judgment, it is the Harshness within me that is unbalanced and that needs looking at.

How can I connect with the Strength of Gevurah, and have the Discernment to not fall into Harsh Judgment of others? How can I give Structure to my days and not fall prey to my resistance to Discipline and staying Organized?

What questions arise for you today?

Today is eight days of the Omer, which are one week and one day of the Omer. Chesed of Gevurah: The Four and Five of Wands.

We have come to the week of Gevurah, and boy do I know it. Gevurah has lots of shadings to its constellation of meanings. It’s the place on the tree that splits off to the Sitra Achra, or as Obi Wan Kenobi might say, the Dark Side. It’s the Sephira of Strictness and Severity, Harshness, Constriction, Might and the letter of the Law. Oh, and then there’s the other name of Gevurah—Pachad, which means Fear. And then there’s also Din, which means Judgement. Sounds rough, huh?

Well I start with the things I don’t like because I’ve always had my issues with Gevurah. It took me a long time to understand the positive side of this energy—and those positives include Restraint, Structure, Strength, Boundaries, Courage, Organization, Justice and Discernment.

Then there are some qualities that can go either way depending on the situation and how you take it: Discipline, Limitation, Power and Control.

And then there is one quality that transcends it all: Awe.

So right now, with social distancing in place and having maintained this for the last 41 days, I’m feeling severely constricted. The boundaries I’m living within feel very harsh to me today. Nevertheless, I am keeping the discipline. However, that doesn’t mean I’m not reacting in ways that aren’t particularly healthy.

Good that we start the week with Chesed of Gevurah, because this energy needs to be balanced by the love and mercy of Chesed. We can think of Gevurah as holding back the overwhelming blast of love that is Chesed as a necessary check. And this is true in the other direction—Chesed is a necessary check on the unmitigated severity of Gevurah.

Last week we saw this very same combination of cards on the second day. On the eighth day however, these cards are in reverse order, and that makes all the difference. It’s a subtle difference in the shadings of energy, but it’s an important distinction—and that ability to be discerning in this way is in fact one of the good qualities of Gevurah.

Today is about the love that underlies the structure of our lives. The love that powers our strength and our ability to set good boundaries, and to take control with courage out of a sense of service.

In my book, Tarot and the Gates of Light: A Kabbalistic Path to Liberation, I used the example of the humble traffic light to show how as a society we set limits and create laws in the service of love—of protecting everyone.

When I look at the Four and Five of Wands, I see the open space of Love that Chesed provides as being the motivating energy for Gevurah. So that the figure on the left hand side in the image in the Five of Wands, the man who seems to be holding his staff out as a way of getting the attention of all the others is the one who is trying to bring loving structure to a situation of disorganization. Indeed, the Five of Wands is a card that shows one of the negative expressions of Gevurah in the lack of structure. But because today is Chesed of Gevurah we can see the figure holding out his staff as acting out of Chesed.

This is an example of the corrective and guiding nature of Gevurah as spoken of in Psalm 23. In fact, today, this verse feels like the mantra I need today:

גַם כִּי-אֵלֵךְ בְּגֵיא צַלְמָוֶת לֹא-אִירָא רָע כִּי-אַתָּה עִמָדִי, שִׁבְטְךָ וּמִשְׁעַנְתֶּךָ הֵמָה יְנַחֲמֻנִי

“Even though I walk in the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for You are with me, Your rod and Your staff comfort me.

Seeing the man on the left in the Five of Wands I know I must call on my inner Moses to rally all my complaining inner Israelites, straining against the discipline of the journey. Indeed, metaphorically speaking, we’re on the trek through the desert. Imagine that long line of ancient Israelites—men, women, children, and the “mixed multitude” of people who went with them. Plus, animals, tents, and belongings. Without the discipline of Gevurah holding everyone together, people would have wandered off in all directions.  

I need to remember this, because today I am experiencing the structuring quality of Gevurah as stricture.

One question I have to look at today is how I can reconnect with the love that is the principle that give order, the benevolence that underlies the boundaries I must observe. Certainly, this practice is one way to reconnect and heal my relationship to Gevurah in my life.

And I will look for specific disciplines I can add to my day as an expression of self-love, love for others and for the Divine—disciplines I know that I will chafe at sometimes, but that I can remember the underlying motivation for.

What are your questions for today?

Today is seven days, which are one week of the Omer. Malchut of Chesed: the Ten and Four of Wands.

We have completed one week—six more to go. Are you feeling like you took on too much? You may be feeling unsure after 7 days whether you can last for the next 42—that this practice is weighing you down.

The images in the 10 and 4 of Wands can be considered in several ways.

This combination can be about taking on Responsibility (one of the characteristics of Malchut) in the service of Love. The question is, have I taken on too much Responsibility? As a single man living alone this is not an issue for me during the pandemic. I say this despite the fact that I am working a 9-5 job (that I am profoundly grateful for in this difficult time), that I’m working this path and writing daily, I’m taking classes and attending services via Zoom, and volunteering to call elderly people who live alone and are feeling more disconnected in this time of physical distancing. This means I am very busy—but I am not feeling overwhelmed or burdened by my responsibilities. I am sometimes overwhelmed by all the precautions I have to take—just doing laundry in my building’s basement was exhausting.

However, feeling overwhelmed by responsibility may be an issue for you if you’ve got a job you’re doing from home and have children at home. And I have also noted when the 10 of Wands shows up in a reading for someone in a helping profession—the medical profession, clergy, social workers—this can be a card that suggests someone who is taking too much responsibility and may be approaching burnout.

This combination can also suggest that one has so many creative projects that rather than experiencing them as joyful self-expression, they have become a burden.

In either case, this can lead to feelings of resentment or guilt at not being able to handle all these responsibilities/ideas.

That’s the time to stop and remember all these things we take on are in the service of love. To consider what it might be possible to put down. And to remember, that just as in the 10 of Wands, where the man’s destination is visible in the distance, this situation is not permanent. While we may not see the end yet, we know it will come.

Questions I find myself considering for today include: Do I experience love as a burden? Do I take on more than I can handle? Have I complained about the blessings in my life as a way of downplaying my good fortune when I speak to someone else out guilt?

What questions come up for you?

Today is six days of the Omer: Yesod of Chesed. The Nine and Four of Wands.

Traditionally, this is the day we observe the passage of the Israelites through the sea. You know the scene—you’ve seen Charlton Heston standing on the rock holding his staff out over the water as Pharaoh’s army of charioteers hurtles towards the former slaves. Of course, midrash tells the story a little differently:

Nachshon ben Aminadav, the brother-in-law of Aaron, didn’t wait for the sea to split. As all the Israelites hesitated, afraid to step forward Nachshon raced to the water and walked in. And kept walking until the water was about to reach his nose. And that’s when, following Moses command, the sea split.

It takes bravery to step forward and to make the way when it appears there is no way.

The situation of the Israelites at the sea is reflected in the image of the Nine of Wands. There is a man who appears to have been wounded, standing and holding his staff defensively as he stands behind a fence of staves. Except you’ll notice that there is a wider space between two of the staves that he could step through to the other side.

What is he defending himself against? That’s a question each of us has to turn on ourselves: what am I defending myself against? What makes this so poignant an image is that there is nothing on the other side of that fence that is in any way threatening. Perhaps the head wound the man has sustained has affected his judgment so that he sees threats where there may be none—but because he has been wounded in the past, he doesn’t trust enough to walk through the opening in the fence.

Because we’re in the world of Atzilut with the suit of Wands, we can surmise that the wounding this man has suffered is spiritual. Perhaps he was rejected by the tradition of his birth, so that he doesn’t trust organized religion or even his own spiritual experience.

The Sephira of Yesod is all about Connection—an Intimate connection that is both spiritual and physical. Yesod is called Foundation because it’s the place on the Tree of Life where all the higher energies come together—it must have a strong Foundation to hold all these energies and direct them to Malchut below. And while I noted the we can see the wounding and the connection as spiritual, we can also consider this as a wounding in relationship. And, because Yesod maps on the body to the generative organs, the wounding could also be sexual.

Yesod maps to both the phallus and the birth canal. Interestingly enough, the passage through the sea by the Israelites has been described as the people passing through a birth canal to be born as a nation on the other side. Passing through the sea was a transformative experience that took faith and courage.

It also echoes the phrase “the only way out is through.”

This is also true for the man in the Nine of Wands. He could free himself simply by stepping through the fence and be born anew.

As a queer man, I have often looked at this card as a visual metaphor for life in the closet. And in fact, once when I was doing a reading for a young man, when this card appeared in the spread in combination with some other cards, I had to ask him the personal question of whether he was in the closet. At which point he broke out into tears and talked about the pain of hiding who he was.

I don’t mean to suggest there is no danger in coming out—or in other situations where we may feel defended after wounding of some sort. But I do want to consider how this wounding holds us back in places that might not be necessary.

I know that when I was young and newly out of the closet, I felt like the man in the Nine of Wands—I expected to be attacked for being who I was wherever I went. So that I often had a chip on my shoulder. But it’s not like coming out isn’t dangerous for many people around the world. There is indeed danger. But…

This is Yesod of Chesed. The Desire to Connect in Love. Yesod of Chesed is a doubly urgent feeling. Chesed already wants to flow out and over everyone and everything with love. And Yesod has an urgent need to connect anywhere it can.

The goal of healing these Sephirotic energies is so that we don’t direct them, to use a phrase the Buddhist are fond of, unskillfully.

If our Yesod isn’t connected to Tiferet above, it’s easy for this energy to flow into actions meant to fill the void, the empty feeling because our true spiritual connection is broken. For many people, this spiritual wounding is the source of many addictions, so it should be no surprise that the negative expression of Yesod is related to addiction—whether sexual, substance or even shopping. Whatever we do to fill the hole in our hearts is an unskillful use of the energy of Yesod.

Yesod wants to connect, and Chesed is powerful enough to be open to connection without fear.

Of course, today, simply going out on the street, going to a market, can inspire fear. Like the man in the Nine of Wands, I am wary of stepping out of my apartment. There is no danger that I can see, because you can’t see a virus. And in this world of social distancing, the thought of physical connection seems like a cruel joke. But this is going to be our reality for many months to come if the experts are correct. So once again, the only way out is through—I do have to go out to shop every couple of weeks. I do have to take my dog out for a walk 3x a day. But my connections with friends and family must be by voice and image. And because I am a single man, sexual connection in this new reality is out of the question. Here is where my Chesed must direct my Yesod, so that my values, my love for myself and others — and our safety — must be at the center of every connection.

So the questions I ask myself today include: In what ways am I afraid of Intimate Connection on both a spiritual and physical level? How have I misused the energy of Yesod’s urge to connect? What intimacy wounds need to heal—and how can I step into the role of healer to open myself to the Love that is Chesed? In what ways am I afraid of Intimacy with the Divine—what would I be afraid to say in prayer? What sea do I have to walk into with courage and faith that the waters will part? Can I create intimate connection in digital space?

What questions arise for you today? Your life experience may well lead you to a different reading of these energies and your own questions that need answering. This is the beauty of the Omer practice. And if you are interested in learning more about the Kabbalistic ritual of Counting the Omer with tarot, consider getting my book, Tarot and the Gates of Light: A Kabbalistic Guide to Liberation.

Today is Five Days of the Omer. Hod of Chesed: The Eight and Four of Wands.

Netzach is the Sephira of establishing the ego. Hod is the Sephira of surrendering the ego—to use a phrase from the 12-step world: “let go and let G!d.” Because when the ego steps out of the way, you’ve got a clearer channel to listen for what Rav Kook calls “the voice of G!d in everything.”

That’s one of the reasons that the Eight of Wands is the only one of two cards in the Minor Arcana without a human being in it. And it’s why the wands are flying down from the heavens like so many arrows—this is revelation headed your way. It’s the promise of Pentecost, and you just might get a little taste of it today if your ego can step to the side for a minute to let you be the open space of the Four of Wands.

The Eight of Wands is also a metaphorical representation of the (male) orgasm, which dissolves the ego if only for a second. So this pairing also looks forward to the consummation of the Divine Marriage that takes place on Pentecost/Shavuot.

Hod is also known as Glory. And a reason for this is because when your ego can step out of the way, you’re also more open to seeing the Glory of all creation in everything.

Right now it’s very hard for my ego to get out of the way. My ego has been insistent all day long—well, that’s true every day really, except that right now, because the ego is not getting its way with all the things it wants, I find it very hard to see the Glory of creation everywhere. Especially when one of these creations is a spiky little virus that is wreaking havoc all over the world. Yet when I stop to consider the complexities of this virus, I marvel at the diversity of creation. And in fact, one of the ways we can see the Glory of creation is to appreciate the breadth of creation—from microscopic viruses to galaxies.

So today, even as I feel constricted in movement, boxed in my apartment and closed off from direct human contact, I can see the blossoms and new leaves on the trees. I can watch a BBC nature show—in fact that’s something I’m planning for today to keep me open to the glory of creation. What will you do today to stay open to that glory? What can you do to help quiet down the insistent voice of your ego to let the “still, small voice” of the Divine in?

Today is four days of the Omer. Netzach of Chesed: The Seven and Four of Wands

Endurance in Love. Many of our virtues are being tested right now as we experience living in a time of plague. And Netzach, which includes in its constellation of meanings Endurance, is one that we all must call on. Because this plague and our response to it won’t be a sprint—it’s a marathon, an endurance test.

It may be the fourth day of the Omer, but it is also the 36th day since I have been staying home to help flatten the COVID-19 curve. Enduring the isolation and the loneliness, the ache to feel the touch of another is something that is not going to change for the foreseeable future.

Netzach also includes Fortitude within its group of meanings. And this is another quality that we must call on to get through this difficult time.

Usually when I count the Omer, the fourth day is when I begin to be resentful of the practice. So that this combination of Netzach in Chesed is a good reminder from the universe that my endurance is in the service of love. When I’ve concentrated on the inner dynamics of this work, I’ve had to call on my Fortitude, because something always comes up that I’d rather not look at.

This year, simply by staying home to flatten the curve, long before this, the fourth day, I started to feel resentment—rage in fact—at the sick joke of our national leadership that did nothing to protect us from this plague. But right now this anger is a deflection. Because I’ve been home alone, as if I were on a spiritual retreat, my demons have begun to show themselves. And it’s easier to give in to anger and rage than to feel the grief and sadness for all the loss.

Self-righteous rage is a very satisfying feeling—it’s addictive in fact. And like a substance addiction, it distracts me from things I don’t want to feel or see. My powerlessness. My fear of getting sick. My grief over the people I know who have died. My fear for friends who are working on the front lines in New York’s hospitals.

So I have to call on my Fortitude, my inner strength and courage to face these feelings.

This is one of the things I think about when I look at the Seven of Wands—the man who is defending himself against the 6 staves that are at the bottom of the image. What do you think is outside the frame of the image? There could be six people ready to attack him. Or these other staves could just as easily be sticking up out of the ground, with no one else there, so that the man is projecting his fears onto these other staves.

When it comes to relationship this combination of cards leads me to inquire into the ways opening to love activates my defensiveness. Today, I have to consider that my anger as a deflection from feelings of greater vulnerability can poison my expression of love for myself (by taking actions that would imperil my health) or my love for others (how my prickliness and short temper can wound others who I’m reaching out to for support on Zoom calls and on the phone).

That’s what’s going on for me today and leading me to the questions above. What’s going on for you and what questions arise in your practice?

Today is three days of the Omer. Tiferet of Chesed: The Six and Four of Wands

Tiferet is the Sephira at the center of the Tree of Life, and it holds and balances the tension between the endless flow of love from Chesed and the boundary setting restraint of Gevurah. To open ourselves to Tiferet means being willing to open to the negative expression of Gevurah that lives within us—the harsh judgment and criticism, the desire for a strict adherence to law. Because Tiferet balances Chesed and Gevurah, this judgment and strictness is balanced by the love and mercy of Chesed. And since today is Tiferet of Chesed, the that balance is weighted towards love and mercy.

Still, for this love and mercy to be authentic—to be true, since one of the qualities and names for Tiferet is Truth, I want to emphasize that we have to be willing to be open to the painful negative Gevurah that lives within our hearts.

This mix of emotions is one reason that Tiferet corresponds on the human body to the heart. So that doing this work is like doing “open-hearted” surgery on ourselves.

Because this evening is the eve of the holiest day on the Christian calendar, Easter, I want to point out another correspondence of Tiferet. In Christian Cabala, Tiferet is the sacred heart of Jesus—because for Tiferet to hold the boundless love of Chesed for all creation, it also has to hold the pain of sacrifice, the severity of Gevurah.

So what does any of this have to do with the Six and Four of Wands? Let’s start with the hidden Christian symbolism in the Six of Wands. But first, what, you may ask, am I doing writing about Christianity and Easter in a very traditionally Jewish Kabbalistic practice. For one thing, I’m sure you realize, using tarot to count the Omer is hardly traditional. But I believe there is beauty and truth (by the way, besides truth, another key word for Tiferet is beauty) in every wisdom tradition. And when it connects to the heart of this practice, I’m more than willing to bring it in.

So, in the Six of Wands, the rider on the horse is wearing a wreath. But so is the top of the staff he carries. Then notice that the staff the rider is carrying is the only staff that crosses another staff, so the wreath on top of his staff is a crown on top of a cross—a reference to the Crucifixion. The willingness to bear the pain of the world to feel the love of the world. As the old song goes, “you can’t have one without the other.”

The other day when I wrote about the ritual of breaking the matzoh during the Passover, I noted that Rabbi Eliyahu deVidash, a 16th century kabbalist has to say on the of brokenness in his work Gates of Holiness:

“The Zohar teaches that the human heart is the Ark. And it is known that in the Ark were stored both the Tablets and the Broken Tablets. Similarly, a person’s heart must be full of Torah, and similarly, a person’s heart must be a broken heart, a beaten heart, so that it can serve as a home for the Shekhina [one of the guises of the Divine Feminine in Judaism]. For the Shekhina only dwells in broken vessels….”

It is only when we can hold our broken heart and offer it up, it is only when we can accept our own pain and emotional vulnerability that we can feel the deeper well of love that underlies it all, that boundless love that flows from Chesed.

Today I am certainly feeling my broken, hurting heart. So many people I know are critically ill with COVID-19. Their family can’t call them or see them. People are dying alone and are being sent for burial without even the ritual goodbye of a funeral.

I spoke with a friend of mine who works on the front lines in a hospital. He comes home every night and cries for all the pain he has witnessed. But the next morning he gets up and goes back to work trying to save people as best he can, even at the risk contracting the virus and of sacrificing his own life. This is the image of the hero on top of the horse to me. This is the tension of love and pain held in Tiferet.

And it leads me to consider the ways in which I am willing or unwilling to sacrifice myself for a greater cause. I have to examine if there is any way that I use my empathy in a defensive way—appearing to be compassionate while holding myself above those in need of help. And am I willing—or even able—to hold my own suffering with compassion?

These are some of the questions that come up for me in today’s Omer count. What are the questions and issues that arise for you?

Today is two days of the Omer. Gevurah of Chesed in Atzilut: The Five and Four of Wands

If you’re reading my book, Tarot and the Gates of Light, you’ll know that each Sephira has a constellation of meanings that can be applied to these permutations. So that you could see Gevurah of Chesed in lots of ways. This year, I’m going to consider the Discipline that Gevurah brings to the Love that is Chesed. If you’re working this path, you could make other choices. When you look at the key words I provide in the book, the card images can suggest some of choices that are meaningful for you. 

For years I’ve struggled with Gevurah, because I’ve struggled with discipline. I often felt that discipline was something imposed from outside, and it felt controlling. Certainly, my experiences as a child in proto-military organizations like the Scouts made me very skittish of authority demanding submission to their definition of discipline. This combination makes clear though that there is a discipline that is within love.

It took me years to learn about inner discipline. When I first started meditating, I experienced just how out of control my mind was. Not unlike the people in the 5 of wands, where every one of them is trying to take control of the group and only succeeding in creating chaos, as I meditated, every second some new thought, desire, emotion, story sought to divert my attention. I couldn’t keep my mind on a meditation object for even a few seconds. And you can’t get angry with yourself when this happens—after all, meditation is an act of self-care, self-love.

Metaphorically speaking, we are only one day out of Mitzrayim—the narrow place of enslavement consciousness. And all these distracting thoughts are my inner Israelites, complaining and wanting to slip back into old habit patters. I also have an inner Moses though who can calm things down.

This 49-day spiritual practice is a discipline. And even on the second day it’s easy to forget, put off, let it go and decide to watch TV, eat some ice cream—even do the dishes, anything to avoid facing one’s inner turmoil.

There’s another discipline we’re facing right now. That of physical distancing, wearing masks and gloves to protect ourselves—and to protect others. I’ll bet you’ve never washed your hands so much in your life. Staying inside and apart from friends and family. And it’s hard not to chafe at this discipline. But this discipline is an expression of love. For yourself. For those you care about. And in fact, our society.

Speaking of washing hands, I have another self-care discipline I have struggled with all my life. As a 5-year-old child, for some reason, my parents did not make sure that I brushed my teeth. So I could go for days without brushing them. There was an older woman who sat on the corner in a folding chair in the neighborhood. She used to give out candy to the kids on the street. I always got some. But one day she asked me, “Are you a good boy? Do you brush your teeth?” Well, I wanted the candy so I lied and said I did. And she said, “No you don’t, so no candy for you.” I wondered how she knew.

When I went home, I smiled in the mirror and my teeth were rather disgustingly crusty. (You’re saying Eeewww right now and I don’t blame you.) So I brushed them. But the truth is, because I didn’t learn the self-care of oral hygiene as a child, I struggled to brush my teeth in the morning and before bed for many years. It took a lot of inner work to get past this. And one thing I’ve learned is that whenever I am off center internally, one clue that I’m off center is that I forget to brush my teeth. I go into irresponsible auto-pilot. This bad habit, while a problem in itself, is also a symptom when something else is going on that I need to look at. You probably don’t have this oral care issue. But you may have some other bad habit that takes over when you’re off center. And one of the things to consider on this day is how to bring the discipline in love to this habit.

I also want to look at another side of Gevurah: Structure. You can see in the Five of Wands an image of the lack of structure. And right now, the routine of our daily lives has lost its structure. Those of us who have lost our jobs have no structure for our days. Those of us who are parents have children who have lost the structure of school, and that creates all kinds of issues. One of the questions I’m asking myself this year is now that I am home every day, how can I bring structure into my daily life that is an expression of self-care?

This discipline is in fact just such a structure. And I am grateful that my synagogue has morning services, at least two study sessions and a community check in every day so that I know if it’s 11am, it’s time for me to log on to participate in class on Hasidic masters. If it’s 6:30 I have a cantillation class. What are you doing to create loving structure in your life right now?

Today is one day of the Omer: Chesed within Chesed — the Four of Wands, Cups, Swords and Pentacles.

Chesed within Chesed: The Four of Wands, Cups, Swords and Pentacles

לִמְנֹ֣ות יָ֭מֵינוּ כֵּ֣ן הֹודַ֑ע וְ֝נָבִ֗א לְבַ֣ב חָכְמָֽה׃

 “Teach us to count our days that that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”
—Psalm 90:12

 Tonight I begin my annual Counting of the Omer, and the first time I’m counting online since the publication of Tarot and the Gates of Light. When I first started counting online using the tarot in 2006, there weren’t as many people following me on my blog, Another Queer Jewish Buddhist. So I have to admit, doing this on a public platform a little scary. This practice calls for rigorous self-examination—and I’m going to do some of that examination in public. But not all of it, since of course, some things are between me and the Divine.

This year, the pandemic gives a new kind of urgency to the count. Because we don’t know how long we have—after all, our days are numbered, whether we get COVID-19 or not—we have to learn to make every day count. And that’s part of the benefit of this practice. Of course, counting days is not new to anyone in a 12-step program, and as someone in recovery, I know that this practice has been an aid to my recovery.

The first card, on this the first day, is the Four of Wands, since it is a Chesed card, and today si Chesed of Chesed. The image looks forward to the final day on Pentecost, when mythically speaking, the Divine “marries” the people Israel, with the Torah as the wedding contract. The image on the card most resembles a chuppah, the wedding canopy for traditional Jewish marriage ceremonies. And it is also reminiscent of Abraham’s tent, which midrash tells us was open on all sides, the better to be able to greet guests. Abraham is the figure most associated with Chesed, which is love, flow, benevolence without limit.

At this time, when all of us are hunkered down at home, our doors closed to the outside world, one question I will reflect on is how has the pandemic affected my ability to stay open? Since this is the first day of freedom from Egypt, metaphorically speaking, in what ways am I still carrying my enslavement within?

I am aware when I am on the street of not feeling particularly open as I walk my dog, masked and gloved, and I’m passed by joggers huffing and puffing who aren’t wearing masks. My heart is certainly not open to them, and I find myself still enslaved to fear and anger. May I learn to respond with equanimity even as I keep my distance. I know I didn’t feel very open last week at a grocery store when other shoppers crowded close by. While it’s essential that I take care of myself, I have to remember that these other people are suffering through this as best they know how.

I mention in my book that the Four of Swords is a card of meditation, and just as the Four of Wands looks forward to the Divine marriage (of our inner Divine Feminine and Masculine) on Pentecost, the Four of Swords looks forward to the Night Vigil that takes place on the eve of Pentecost (known as Shavuot in the original Hebrew). The night before Pentecost, traditionally we stay away all night in study, just as the squire in the card image must remain awake all night in the chapel as part of his ritual initiation into knighthood.

At the start of this year when I gave myself my annual Tree of Life reading, the Four of Swords appeared in the Yesod position. Yesod is the Sephira of intimate connection and that includes sexual connection, among other things. The Four of Swords is a card of the spiritual retreat. I took this Sephirotic combination as a suggestion to pull back from searching for sexual connection on apps like Grindr as part of creating a deeper intimacy with myself and with the Divine. This decision may have saved my life, though there is no question that I long for touch, for the soul connection that can come with physical connection. I am sure many people who are single and living alone at this moment in history have similar longings.

However, staying inside during the pandemic is an opportunity to go inside, to search deep within to face my fears of loneliness and isolation.

Last I want to touch on the Four of Pentacles for a moment. Like all the cards, the image as a symbol can be read positively or negatively. So that one can see the man in the card as an expression of the flow of Chesed in the world, holding up the pentacles as a signal to others to stay connected to the Divine (his Crown at the Keter position—he is the only figure in the Minor Arcana that isn’t a court card to wear a crown) to stay connected to the heart (with a pentacle over the Tiferet position) and pentacles below his feet (connecting him to Netzach and Hot) so that he his spirituality will stay grounded in the world. But one can also see him as holding on to these objects tightly, as someone who is stopping the flow of Chesed because he is closed down. So some of the questions that come up for me this year are: Who do I look to for inspiration in Chesed? Who is an example of Nega-Chesed—someone who stops the flow for their own benefit, so they can hold on to the gold? And internally, how can I set a better example of Chesed for others? And where am I still holding on tightly, unable to let go into the flow of life, and of Chesed?

You may have notices I didn’t mention the suit of Cups. Well, I’m holding on a little tightly here! While each year is different and the content in my book is longer than what I am writing here, and goes deeper, I do hope to have an income from book sales. So I don’t want to “give it all away” even as Chesed is all about unconditional love. I do write about each of the Sephirot in great detail in the book so that you’ll be able to experience the full constellation of meanings suggested by each card. But here, while I am sharing this publicly, I am concentrating on the questions that come up for me personally this year.

So what are the questions that Chesed within Chesed bring up for you?

Major Arcana Midrash: The Hermit and the seach for chametz.

One Passover custom I love is the search for chametz—leavened bread, cake, cookies, anything that has yeast and was allowed to rise. Traditionally, one takes a candle and a feather and searches deeply in drawers, cabinets and anywhere food is stored to sweep out even the tiniest crumbs. The other day Rabbi Amichai Lau-Lavie read from Treasures of the Heart, by one of my storytelling teachers, Diane Wolkstein. She wrote:

This intensive and thorough search is the culmination of an interior spring-cleaning. We look for and expel those inflated, puffed-up parts of ourselves that enslave us and take up space that might be made available for experiencing a new freedom.

The Hermit, with his lamp shining with the star of David feels right as a guide for this practice. Here is someone who holds a light that reflects his inner spiritual light—a light he has used to seek out his imperfections and failings as part of a spiritual healing.

This Passover, as we find ourselves inside due to the pandemic, we have the opportunity to seek inside, for what’s puffed up,, and what’s broken, as we prepare to do the Kabbalistic work of Tikkun HaNefesh, repair of the soul, in readiness for the revelation of Pentecost. Lets make the most of it.

Pharaoh and the plagues: Considering the Emperor card in the Raziel deck as Passover approaches during our modern plague.

When Rachel Pollack and Robert Place created the Raziel deck based on Judaic myth and folklore, the choice was made to illustrate the Emperor as Pharaoh of Egypt, with Moses standing before him.  

Moses told Pharaoh that he had to let the Israelites go or there would be plagues. But Pharaoh wasn’t about to free his unpaid workforce. He was warned again and again, but 5 times he hardened his heart and refused. And each time, the Egyptians suffered the consequences of his selfish desire to have unpaid workers build cities for his glory.

When I was in college, I remember studying the medieval mystery plays—in particular, the York and Wakefield cycle. They were called “cycles” for a number of reasons but among those reasons was the cyclical view of history they presented, often with the character who played Pharaoh (who ordered the slaughter of Israelite children) also playing Herod (who also ordered the slaughter of Hebrew children as the myth goes).

And indeed, I see this cycle playing out in front of our eyes right now. With a modern Moses who has been warning today’s Pharaoh for 3 months about our current plague. And this Pharaoh dismissing these warnings in favor of the stock market—his god. Of course, as he dismissed this plague, we all are suffering.

In Hebrew, Egypt is called Mitzrayim—the narrow or constricted place. And this is speaking mythically, this is both a physical and psychological narrowness.

As an enslaved people, the Israelites had lost their sense of themselves as a nation and could only see themselves as slaves. Their world had narrowed and they were unable to see beyond it, so when Moses first spoke to them of freedom they couldn’t hear him.

And of course, Pharaoh was of a narrow mind and was unable to see the evidence of the plagues before him. His people may have suffered but in his palace he wasn’t suffering. It wasn’t until he lost his son that he was affected.

The narrow mind of today’s Pharaoh needn’t be enumerated. A man who brags about the ratings of his press conferences as people are dying because of his malfeasance doesn’t even deserve to be named. However, just as the Divine could not be denied in the story in the Torah, as much as he may wish to spread “alternative facts” reality is catching up with him.

However, his actions have left us all in a different kind of narrow place. Those of us who care about our fellow citizens and the health of our society have voluntarily narrowed the space in which we are living right now. Some of us are in isolation/quarantine. Others of us are staying inside and limiting contact with others as much as possible.

For me, this leaves me with questions that can only be answered by the way I choose to respond to these circumstances. Especially as we approach the Passover holiday, which celebrates freedom from enslavement. Certainly, this year, my practice of Counting the Omer using tarot will find much to work with in the challenges I face living alone in this pandemic. And I will find many blessings to be grateful for, since I have a place to live, food to eat, and I am apparently healthy (since I know that symptoms can take two weeks to manifest).

But I find myself asking, how am I thinking narrowly about my situation? Is it possible to find freedom in a situation of constriction—and what would that look like? How can I connect with others safely so that any feelings of isolation are broken? How can I free myself from fear of getting sick (this is less an issue since I lived through the early years of the HIV crisis and learned how to work with my fear of contagion, but still)? How can I offer support to others while staying safe? What warnings does my inner Pharaoh refuse to pay attention to? What narrowness do I carry with me even after years of working to free myself?

Some of these questions may resonate for you. You will also have other questions for yourself that these musings bring up. If you’re willing to share them here, I would be grateful, since we are all each other’s teachers.

I’ll close with a quote from Viktor Frankl’s classic, Man’s Search for Meaning, that I often read to remind myself of the inner freedom that can never be taken away:

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.

 May you be healthy. May you be happy. And as the Passover approaches, may you find new ways to be free in the year ahead.

Card image from the Raziel Tarot, conceived by Rachel Pollack and Robert M. Place, image © 2016 Robert M. Place

The Four of Swords: Staying Inside and Going Inside to Face Your Fears in the Days of COVID-19

I wanted to share some of the wisdom that the Four of Swords may have for you in these difficult days. In January I did a Tree of Life reading for the year ahead. And the Four of Swords showed up in the Yesod position.   

First, a little bit about the way I read the Tree of Life spread. I lay out the cards following the classic positions of the ten Sephirot on the diagram of the tree.

A diagram is flat—2 dimensional. But the thing to keep in mind about the Tree of Life is that it’s multi-dimensional and fractal. There are the four Kabbalistic worlds. And within each Sephira, this is a complete Tree of Life enfolded in a kind of implicate ordering of reality. In fact, in each Sephira in that implicate Tree there is another whole tree. This means each position has multiple layers of meaning. The first of these layers is revealed in the relationship of the Kabbalistic meaning of the card to the meaning of the Sephirotic position it lands on.

The Four of Swords, like the fours in all the suits, are cards the express one of the many meanings of Chesed, either positive or negative. So when a Chesed card shows up in a Yesod position, we’re considering how Chesed is expressed and mediated by Yesod. The Four of Swords in this position is an opportunity to explore the relationship of Chesed and Yesod.

Now Chesed is the unending flow of love from the Divine that sustains the world. It is a love so powerful it obliterates the personal ego. It is unconditional love that doesn’t discriminate—a veritable tsunami of Divine love that washes over and through everything in its path. This level of Chesed is not something that’s part of our everyday experience, though we do have everyday experiences of this Sephirotic energy. So looking at the Four of Swords, what does this kind of Chesed have to do with the image of a knight on a sepulcher?

Some people see the knight as a carving on a coffin, not as a living person. But this is not a card of death; it’s a card of initiation into starting the inward journey. This knight is very much alive, and at the start of a ritual. And if there’s anything the people of the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn knew it was ritual—and in England this ritual was known as the Night Vigil.

It was the initiation into knighthood. The evening before the title of knight is bestowed on a squire, he prepared himself with a ritual bath of purification. He wore a white robe and entered the chapel with his sword and shield. In some places, the sword and shield are placed on a coffin. In some versions of the ritual, the knight-to-be would lay down in the open coffin, or rest atop it. He was not to fall asleep, but to spend the night in prayer and meditation.

The suit of Swords (and, in Hermetic Qabalah, the world of Yetzirah) corresponds to the intellectual and mental faculties—the ability to distinguish reality from illusion. The knight-to-be in the Four of Swords is not dead or sleeping. He is ever vigilant—Swords being the suit of the mind that makes distinctions. He is ready to face the awe and terror that an experience of Chesed can bring to the unstable ego. This is the test of the knight-to-be: not unlike the temptation of Christ in the desert or the temptation of Guatama Buddha by Mara, he must face his fears in order to undergo a spiritual transformation. Of course, when we look at this card, the first thought is that the fear is of death. And this is true, since the job of a knight, a warrior for Christ, is to face death: it’s just not the whole truth.

Remember that Chesed is both Boundless and “Boundary-less” and that to face this is to face the obliteration of the ego, a kind of death, which is a pretty terrifying prospect. The task of the knight-to-be is to face this fear and come away with an experience that is beyond duality—that he is both a separate being and an egoless expression of Divine Love.

The best expression of this idea that I know of comes from outside the Judeo-Christian tradition. It is in the words of Krishna to Arjuna in the Bhagavad Gita. In this story, Arjuna hesitates before battle; he does not want to kill anyone (least of all his cousins with whom he is at war). But Krishna tells him that the Spirit that pervades the universe cannot kill or be killed:

“He who takes the Self to be the slayer, he who takes It to be the slain, neither of these knows. It does not slay, nor is It slain.
This is never born, nor does It die. It is not that not having been It again comes into being. This is unborn, eternal, changeless, ever-Itself. It is not killed when the body is killed.
He that knows This to be indestructible, changeless, without birth, and immutable, how is he, O son of Prithâ, to slay or cause another to slay?”

In both the Hindu tradition and the Zen tradition in Japan, this was the philosophy of the warrior’s path. Only once you have purified your mind with this understanding are you fit to enter battle. And as you can guess, the misappropriation of the warrior’s path has been used to justify a lot of bloodshed by every religion. Remember, the image on the card is of a medieval knight—a warrior for Christ. Many such knights were Crusaders, which means some of my Jewish ancestors likely died at their hands.

Just because the historical reality of knighthood isn’t very pretty doesn’t mean the ideal of knighthood is any less spiritual. The ideal knight was a protector of the poor and weak. He was a protector of the faith by embodying its values. For when one is attuned to the Flow of Chesed within, it naturally flows out in ways that lead one to help everyone. When Chesed is experienced within, when you can face your fears of such a force and let go of them, you become a vessel for this force in the world. It flows through you and gives you strength.

In this time when we are being asked to stay inside, despite all the fear, for those of us fortunate enough to have the security of a home, this is an opportunity to not only stay inside, but to go inside. We are being the terrible gift of the enforced retreat. And rather than struggle against it, we have an opportunity to watch our mind react with all its fear, we can watch the ego with all its rage to be in control. And we can let these emotions pass through us and let them go. We may have these feelings, but they will not have us.

When this card showed up in the Yesod position in my reading, it presented an interesting challenge. You see, Yesod is not about going on retreat like a monk. It’s all about connection, bonding, generativity, and this includes sexual connection with spiritual intention.

In its healthiest expression it is about a spiritual bond, between a teacher and student or between lovers, that takes both of them to a higher plane.

There is an urgency to connecting in Yesod—all the power of the Sephirot above flow through it to Malchut below. On the body, Yesod maps to the genitals—the phallus or the birth canal.

When Yesod is expressed negatively, it is the Sephira of addiction—someone who can’t hold all this energy, and who doesn’t have a practice or a container in which to express it in a healthy way may find themselves expressing it, to use the Buddhist description, unskillfully. Those unskillful expressions can include substance abuse, sex addiction and other compulsive behaviors like gambling for example.  

When the Four of Swords showed up in the Yesod position for me in January I found myself reflecting on the year that had just passed. My six-year relationship had ended, and I found myself avoiding feelings of hurt and anger by seeking out sexual connection. I was trying to avoid looking at my own responsibility for the problems in the relationship by satisfying physical urges that had gone unmet in that last year.

So when I saw the Four of Swords in Yesod, I realized it was time to stop this avoidance. It was time to stop seeking the empty comfort of the physical in order to go on an inner retreat. It was time to face my responsibilities and how I used the relationship as a way of avoiding deeper inner reflection. So in January I made the decision to stop dating and to step away from hook-up culture for at least a 3-month period. And I made the decision to be a little less social—to take more time for my inner connection.

And now, here I am in enforced isolation due to the pandemic. Looking at the message of this Sephirotic combination I see a call for me to make greater connection with others based in Chesed. And today, an expression of Chesed is a phone call to my elders. Checking on neighbors. Giving to charities that provide for those who are suffering the economic consequences of this plague. And I see the opportunity to step up my inner practice with daily meditation and contemplation so that my fears of a healthy, deep connection of Chesed in Yesod within and with another will be revealed for the illusions that they are.

While I did this reading for myself, it feels that this Sephirotic combiation has meaning for everyone in some way right now. We’re all being called to stay inside and go inside. We’re being called to recognize bonds and connections in deeper ways. I hope you can see in the Four of Swords the inspiration to go through the dark nights ahead with Chesed and courage.

In just two weeks the practice of Counting the Omer will begin. My book is about using tarot cards for this Kabbalistic practice that lasts for 49 days. I’ve done this practice for years. If you’re looking for a daily practice that can help stay strong through the trials ahead, a practice that can take you deep within to face your fears and experience a stronger connection with the Divine, consider Counting the Omer.

While you can do it anytime—and many of my readers have already started—traditionally the practice will start this year on the evening of April 9th. Get a copy of my book, Tarot and the Gates of Light and read the introduction the week before and join me and millions of others around the globe on this inner journey.

My wish is that it brings you deep peace, a heart of compassion, spiritual strength, and the blessing of experiencing the Divine light that always surrounds and supports us. So that no matter how many days we have ahead of us, we know how to make every day count.

On Social Distancing, the Social Contract and Netzach of Gevurah: A Kabbalistic Tarot Exploration of How We Respond in a Crisis—the Seven and Five of Wands

In my book, Tarot and the Gates of Light: A Kabbalistic Path to Liberation, readers are asked to work with different 2-card combinations over the course of a 49-day traditional Kabbalistic ritual called Counting the Omer. Each combination of cards provides spiritual exercise leading to greater insight, helps people see the thought patterns that keep them from feeling fully connected to the Divine. I want to look at one of those pairs and how it connects directly to what we’re facing right now: the Seven and Five of Wands, which appears on Day 11 of the count.  

When I wrote the book, oddly enough, I saw the man in the 7 of Wands as defending himself, not unlike the hero in Ibsen’s An Enemy of the People—this heroic doctor discovered that the mineral baths his town depended on for tourist income had become contaminated and was the source of disease. He was, in other words, a whistleblower for public and societal health. And because his information threatened people’s incomes, he was ostracized, his home vandalized, his family attacked. In this pair of cards that’s how I saw the man in the 7 of Wands: Now consider the man on the far left of the other card, the 5 of Wands, as this very same man, but here he is trying to get the attention of the others and bring them together even though they ignore him and continue in their pursuits and competitions that degrade the social structure.  

If you’re wondering how I got here, I interpret the cards from the filter of their corresponding Sephira on the Kabbalistic Tree of Life. One of the many positive interpretations of Netzach includes Perseverance in the face of obstacles. Remember though, each Sephira has a negative side as well, and the image in the corresponding card may express that negative energy. The 5 of Wands is a Gevurah card, and one of the positive ways of looking at Gevurah is as structure, and organization. So that in looking at the 5 of Wands I see one of Gevurah’s negative expressions—social structure in disarray, where everyone wants to be the leader and acts only in self-centered concern.  In this view the social structure, the social contract is breaking down.  

And since I’ve noted that each Sephira has a positive and negative expression, alternately we can see the man in the 7 of Wands as not defending an unpopular opinion, but as someone who is simply out for himself—the destructive side of Ego, which is also one of the meanings of Netzach. And he’s not the only one. When we look at the 5 of Wands, we can see a group of people all out for themselves, in a social structure that is crumbling.

All you need to do to see this dark Sephirotic energy expressed in human action is to watch videos of the fist fights taking place in supermarkets all over the country as people rush to buy more toilet paper than they need or could possibly use.  

Gevurah can represent the Social Contract—the altruism of people coming together to help each other in organized groups where everyone is respected. And in its negative expression, Gevurah can reveal a social structure atomizing into individual selfishness.

Let’s face it, in crisis situations we all have our flight, fight, freeze or faint mechanism that takes over even when it’s not appropriate or even necessary. While I’ve never fought anyone over a roll of toilet paper, I felt the rage rise up in me when someone took the last package of something I wanted at Trader Joe’s. It’s one of the emotions to observe as it arises, without acting it out or reacting. When I’m in a crowded supermarket where everyone is on the edge of panic, the real infection to be afraid of is that panic, which clouds our better judgment and our humanity. And in crowds, spreads like contagion.

In the days ahead, we are all going to face trials. Consider the selfishness of someone like former Miss Nevada, Katie Williams, whose response to the CDC asking people to stop going out tweeted: “I just went to a crowded Red Robin and I’m 30. It was delicious, and I took my sweet time eating my meal. Because this is America. And I’ll do what I want.”

This is a pathological individualism that doesn’t recognize our interdependence. “This is America, and I’ll do what I want.” Social distancing and the social contract be damned. Even if it leads to the deaths of thousands or millions.

She represents the negative side of Netzach in Gevurah—a pig-headed stubbornness in service of selfishness.

So far, we’ve considered two sides of Netzach in Gevurah in this paring of the 7 and 5 of Wands: Standing up against society for what’s right in an attempt to save that society out of the recognition of interdependence. Or standing up for a selfish individualism that sees no social obligation. The practice of Counting the Omer then asks us to see ourselves in all these situations, questioning our moral character at its deepest from every angle. Who would I be in this situation? How would I respond? Is there something of the other side that lives within me? In my past, who have I been in situations like these? What can I learn about myself, for better or worse?

There is one more way I would like to look at this pairing. And if you thought this last example was dark, I’m sorry. As I wrote, part of the way I interpret the situations I see in the cards is by inhabiting every angle and every character in the card, visible or not. My storytelling teacher and dear friend, Laura Simms, taught when you learn to tell a story, you can’t identify with one character or have a favorite. Otherwise you’re not letting the audience have its own experience or decide for themselves. And so in the 7 of Wands, rather than looking at the man on the hill who is beset by six unseen attackers as either a brave soul standing up against the crowd for what’s right, and rather than seeing him as someone who’s selfishness makes him unable to see his connection and interdependence with others, we can ask ourselves about the people (presumable they’re people, we don’t see them) who he appears to be defending himself against. Who are they, why are they attacking him—and are we in that group?

I remember how, in the early 80s and through the 90s (and truth be told even today) there were people who responded to the AIDS crisis by saying, this is God’s punishment against homosexuals for their sin. Combine this with another history further in the past but that I always live in cognizance of—in times of social upheaval and crisis, people look for a scapegoat. During the bubonic plague years between 1348 and 1351, a wave of anti-Jewish violence followed the plague in its wake. Jews were accused of starting the plague by poisoning the wells. By the close of the plague years in 1351, there had been 350 incidents of anti-Jewish pogroms and 60 major and 150 minor Jewish communities had been exterminated across Europe. In the last century, on the other side of the world, in the wake of the fires that followed the Great Kanto Earthquake in 1923, native Japanese turned on their Korean neighbors—some newspapers reported the accusation (not based in any fact) that Koreans were poisoning wells. Sound familiar? We humans have a limited imagination. It’s estimated that 10,000 Koreans were killed in anti-Korean violence and riots in Tokyo.

So it’s also easy for me to see the man in the 7 of Wands as the victim of persecution. And in the 5 of Wands, how in a weakened social structure it’s easy for a leader to turn people in a society, each against the other. Consider the figure on the far left of the 5 of Wands this time, rather than holding his wand up, trying to get the others attention and bring back order—from this angle I see him as egging on a fight. Today, the pastor of an evangelical church took 45, Orange Caligula, or whatever you want to call the sad excuse for a human in the White House, this pastor took him to task for calling COVID-19 the Chinese virus, saying that it fuels racism and discrimination, hate and violence. Of course, for Scump, that’s a feature, not a bug.

One of the things I tell people in the introduction to my book is that when you work with a pair of cards, since our journeys are all different, you may see other situations and find other meaningful lessons for your own life. And for this pairing in the book, what I wrote today I wouldn’t have thought of in the last few years on Day 11 when this pairing appears. Because not only are each of us different, each year we’re different, and circumstances are different. It’s what makes using the cards to Count the Omer such a rich practice for me.

And because the practice asks us to consider every experience that comes up from every side, I must look at not only my fears of persecution, but I also must look at my inner persecutor. Yes, I have to consider my inner Orange Caligula, see if anywhere in my life or in my thoughts I identify with or have hidden desires to be a persecutor, and when in my life I have been a persecutor.

I never said this was an easy practice.

This year, when I get to Day 11 of Counting the Omer, with the 7 and 5 of Wands I’m going to have a whole new set of questions to ask myself about my own courage and my own selfishness. This year, the Counting of the Omer begins on the evening of April 9th, the second night of Passover begins the first day of the Omer. And I’ll be counting online with either videos or my own daily thoughts and meditations, my inner questioning and insight. I hope you’ll join me.

Minor Arcana Midrash: Parashat Beshalach, the Five of Wands and Gevurah

In this week’s Torah reading the Israelites find themselves facing the sea, with Pharaoh and his army at their backs. Despite witnessing the ten plagues/miracles that got them this far, the Israelites think they’re doomed. And they begin fighting among themselves, complaining, competing—kvetching. Discipline has yet to take hold. Discipline and Structure, qualities of Gevurah, are shown in their negative, shadow representations in the Five of Wands, which is one of the cards that corresponds to this Sephira.

I’m a child of the 60s, so when I first started studying Kabbalah, I had some issues with Gevurah. The constellation of concepts for Gevurah include Organization, Discipline, Structure, Judgement, Severity, Harshness, Constriction, Limitation, Awe and Fear. But the truth is, we need many of these qualities, and in this reading the Israelites need Structure and Discipline. And all people need Boundaries and Limits. We all need Discernment in Judgement. In fact, the parting of the sea in this parashat is an expression of Gevurah—creating a channel that enables the Israelites to pass. But let’s look at the card and see other ways it relates.

In the Five of Wands everyone has a wand—everyone wants to be the leader, so everyone is at cross-purposes, rebelling against the Discipline needed to reach the (metaphorical) Promised Land. When everyone wants to establish his own Structure, when everyone wants to lead, the result is chaos. Focus on the man on the left: he is not holding that wand in a gesture of attack. He looks as though he’s trying to get the attention of all the other people—he is standing in a position of leadership, yet those around him are too busy arguing among themselves to really see him or follow his direction. Their wands are all pointed in different directions. The image of the man on the left reminds me of so many paintings and filmic images of Moses standing at the edge of the sea, raising his rod to part the waters. And what was happening just before he parted those waters? The Hebrews were arguing and complaining, and not happy about his leadership:

“And they said to Moses, ‘Was it for want of graves in Egypt, that you have brought us to die in the wilderness? What have you done to us, taking us out of Egypt?

Is not this the very thing we told you in Egypt, saying, ‘Let us be, and we will serve the Egyptians, for it is better for us to serve the Egyptians, than to die in the wilderness?’”

Exodus 14:11-12

They’re barely out of Egypt and the people have forgotten the pain of their slavery. They’re fearful of the way forward and at cross-purposes, no longer united in moving towards a goal. I know these people, because whenever I make a decision to change in some way I hear the voices of my inner “stiff-necked” Israelites complaining and trying to change my direction.

Of course, I have an inner Moses (and in inner Pharaoh) too. And perhaps you recognize these voices from your own inner dialogue.  Because we all have our inner Israelites, complaining and looking to backslide almost every step of the way.

Pixar brought this metaphor to life in their film Inside Out, where five emotions are vying for control of a young girl’s personality.

Of course, this lack of Structure in the parashat is not internal. It’s a picture of a social group that’s not very Organized. Recently I experienced this lack of Organization and Structure recently in a contentious community meeting where the facilitator was unable to “herd the cats.” He couldn’t bring Organization to the meeting or create a Structure where everyone could feel safe. There were no clear Rules. And almost everyone ignored the time Boundaries. The result was a meeting with no resolution, with people stating their own position and not hearing anyone else. The image of the Five of Wands captures this situation.

The negative expression of Gevurah can be expressed either in lack of Organization or in Organization that is Constricting.

The image in the Five of Wands can also be seen as a positive expression of Gevurah—rather than chaos, we could be looking at choreography. The figures could very well be Morris Dancers. Or participating in a barn raising. It could be the vigorous discussion that is needed before coming to a consensus. But in relation to this week’s Torah reading, I see the Israelites (both inner and outer) suffering from a lack of discipline and acting out of fear.

May we all learn to integrate the positive aspects of Gevurah into our lives, so that we can be a strong channel for Chesed in the world.

Major Arcana Midrash: The Marseille Deck’s The Lover and Parshah Vayeitzei, Genesis 28:10 – 32:3.

For this week’s look at a story from Scripture, I’m stepping away from the Waite-Smith deck to go back to the more traditional image found in the Marseille deck. We find a young man in between two women. One of these women has her hand on the man’s heart. The other, has a hand on the man’s shoulder. Each lays a claim to him. One possesses him physically, but the other possesses his heart and soul.

And while traditionally this card is interpreted as having to make a choice—sometimes between virtue and vice metaphorically—and sometimes between two alternatives, and very literally two women. Of course, our Bronze Age ancestors didn’t have to make that choice, since polygamy was common. But in this week’s reading from Genesis, Jacob hadn’t planned to make a choice. He asked for Rachel’s hand, but was tricked into marrying her elder sister, Leah. A week after that deception has been carried out, he got to marry Rachel too, though he had to work for Laban for another seven years. And of this triangle, the text makes very clear of Jacob:

And he loved Rachel more than Leah (Genesis 29:30)

 There are midrashim about how Rachel warned Jacob of this deception and told him that she would give him a sign so that he could be sure it was her. And then Rachel told Leah what the sign was, so that she would not be humiliated or rejected. But do you think Leah felt any less rejected?

She named her first son Reuven, explaining the meaning of that name as “Now my husband will love me.” (Genesis 29:32) Reading this how can we not ache for her. And how many marriages can we think of where a woman has a child (or for that matter the couple chooses to have a child) in the belief that it will save a failed relationship. We’ve seen how that works in our day. And for Leah it was no different. With each child she bears, each is named plaintively, as a cry for love. Until she gives birth to her fourth son, who she names Judah, with the meaning of giving thanks to G!d. It is Judah whose name becomes synonymous with the Jewish people. And Rabbi Shai Held in his commentary on this parshah in The Heart of Torah asks and answers:

“Who is a Jew? One who discovers the possibility of gratitude even amid heartbreak. That is why we are given the name that expresses Leah’s courage, and her achievement: A Jew is, ideally, a human being who, like Leah, can find her way to gratitude without having everything she wants or even needs.”

Indeed, Rachel does not have everything she wants. She longs to give Jacob children, and only after much suffering is she able to do so—eventually dying in childbirth. And certainly Jacob, who also has the name given to our people, Israel, does not have what he wants. He is deceived by his in-laws. And he is deceived by his own children, who break his heart with the loss of his son Joseph.

Jacob made his choice. He stole his brother’s birthright and blessing. And while he was blessed, his choices had consequences that were not happy.

So I haven’t talking about the cherub above the three people in the card. And I’m going to go in a bit of a different direction from the traditional reading. Because while many see this cherub as the Greek god Eros, I think of the keruvim—those fearsome angels of the Torah—who make an appearance in this week’s parshah as well. Because this is the week we read of Jacob’s dream of the ladder, with the angels going up and down, and when Jacob realizes that even in his dark night of the soul, after fleeing his home in fear of his brother’s vengeance, that G!d is always with him.

And even when he was deceived by Laban, and found himself married to two women, G!d was with him. And the children from both these marriages (and from his concubines) became the clan leaders/names of the tribes of Israel. Even when we feel deceived or forsaken, G!d is present and hears our cry.

Minor Arcana Midrash: Genesis 22 and the Ten of Wands

We all carry the unconscious burden of oppression. Inherited from our parents, and from our culture.

What can we do to lay this burden down?

Millennials aren’t wrong to blame the older generation.

We failed them. Just as Abraham failed Isaac. Just because he passed the test set by the small “g” god character in this Bible passage doesn’t mean he didn’t fail his son(s). What does this have to do with the Ten of Wands?

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the weekly readings from the Torah, Parsha Vayera (a parsha is one of the weekly sections from the Torah, read in synagogue, and this week is Vayera, which takes its name from the first word in the parsha) includes the binding of Isaac, and his near sacrifice by Abraham at the command of YHVH. Let’s look at the image on the card and consider the description from Genesis 22:6:

“Abraham took the wood for the burnt offering and put it on his son Isaac.”

When I see the figure in the Ten of Wands, bending under the oppressive weight of a bundle of wood, I think of Isaac as he followed his father, unaware of what was coming but under the yoke of what is the origin of an oppressive patriarchy.

Strong words for a Jew. Then again, while I see the Torah as a collection of sacred stories that doesn’t mean I draw the same lessons from these stories that you’ll hear in many synagogues.

These two brothers are not the only children sacrificed in this weekly reading. Because this rather long Torah section also includes the story of the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. If you recall, two “angels” visit Abraham’s brother, Lot, to warn him of the coming destruction of the city. When men of the city gathered outside Lot’s door, demanding he give up his visitors for them to rape, he offered up his virgin daughters instead, because after all, his children were his property to dispose of as he saw fit.

So in fact we have four children in this parsha who are sacrificed. True, Isaac and Ishmael didn’t die. And Lot didn’t have to give up his daughters because the angels confounded the mob with a blinding light. But that doesn’t change the willingness of these patriarchs to give up their children. And it doesn’t mean these children weren’t traumatized.

After Isaac asks his father, “where is the lamb” for the sacrifice, we don’t hear his voice again for a long time. Can you imagine what he must have been thinking on the way back down the mountain?

What must these 4 children feel about their fathers? How does this connect to the 10 of Wands? I’ll get there…

I’m a “Baby Boomer.” And I learned in my teens that my parent’s generation was ready to sacrifice their children for stories based on lies.

The most obvious lie, admitted to by former Secretary of Defense Robert McNamara was that North Vietnamese navy ships attacked the USS Maddox on August 4, 1964. It was one of many lies that led to the sacrifice of more than 58,000 American military lives, not to mention over a million Vietnamese. And of course the destabilization of Cambodia, the genocide of over 1.5 million of its people and the destruction of their culture was a direct result of US policy and the lies of the war criminal Henry Kissinger, and the traitor, Richard Nixon.

There was a reason young people in the 60s said “never trust anyone over 30.”

Of course, I watched our government do this again, in Iraq, with the completely manufactured “weapons of mass destruction” story that led to the further destabilization of the Middle East to enrich Dick Cheney and his fellow oil, arms and mercenary army oligarchs. Meanwhile more than 350,000 US soldiers suffered from traumatic brain injuries. Not to mention the Iraqi civilians dead and injured.

It was my generation this time that sacrificed young people in a war to protect wealth and ego.

And today, millennials suffer under the oppression of an economy that is rigged against them. They have been sacrificed in the greatest transfer of wealth from the bottom to the top in our country’s history.

I can say I’ve protested the Vietnam war, the Iraq wars, and the oligarchs who have pillaged our economy—and the planet’s resources and ecosystem so that the survival of our species is in doubt. But these protests have not changed anything. So when millennials say “Ok Boomer,” for any number of reasons I am not offended. Like generations before them they’ve been sacrificed.

Other sacred traditions tell of the sacrifice of children.

By the gods themselves, when Cronus ate all his children to prevent them from taking his place. By Agamemnon, who sacrificed Iphigenia and by Jephthah who sacrificed his (unnamed) daughter in Judges 11. We can spend time analyzing why these stories appear across cultures, though I think the story of Cronus gives a good clue.

But I want to, finally, come back to the 10 of Wands and the 4 children of Vayera. All those children carried the scars of their trauma for the rest of their lives. So when I see the figure in the 10 of Wands carry that bundle of wood, like Isaac going up the mountain, I see how all of us, in every generation, carry the trauma that was inflicted on our elders, and the trauma they reenact in our own lives.

It is the oppressive weight of a patriarchy that demands unquestioning obedience.

We all have inherited and carry this weight—and some of us “bequeath” it to the next generation.

For me, this year at least, one of the questions I ask when reading this parsha and looking at the 10 of Wands (its divinatory meaning which includes oppression, and carrying a weight that doesn’t belong to us) is how can I put this weight down in my life? How can I step outside of this story of inherited trauma and keep myself from handing this story down so that I don’t continue this chain of oppression? Perhaps asking these questions is a start—and sharing these thoughts with others may help them free themselves from this story. I hope so.

Minor Arcana Midrash: The Eight of Cups and Genesis 12:1, Lech Lecha

This week’s Torah reading starts at Genesis 12:1, and is known as Lech Lecha, from the Hebrew phrase:

וַיֹּ֤אמֶר יְהֹוָה֙ אֶל־אַבְרָ֔ם לֶךְ־לְךָ֛

Vayomer YHVH el Avram lech lecha

It’s most often translated as “And the LORD said to Avram, “Go from your country…” Avram (who will be renamed Abraham later on) hears the call, and answers, leaving Harran where he had been living.

Now the Eight of Cups is often interpreted as someone who is leaving something behind symbolized by the eight cups, in search of something else. Usually it’s interpreted as going off on a spiritual search, to seek the truth within, after becoming dissatisfied with the success represented by the cups. And as an “eight” card, it carries with it the meanings connected with the Sephirot of Hod: Surrender and Humility to start.

How does this card connect with this moment in Genesis? At first glance, while Avram is leaving what he knows behind, YHVH tells him it is in search of a land he will be shown, where he will become “a great nation” that is blessed. So Humility doesn’t seem to be in the picture. And becoming a “great nation” hardly seems to include Surrender. But the Chassidic masters don’t translate the words, lech lecha, as “go forth.” Because the words literally mean “go to you.” So they see this as a command to begin an inner journey where Avram must leave behind all he knows in order to find his life’s mission and his soul’s essence.

This means leaving “your country, your people and your father’s household.” So we start to see more of a connection with what’s happening in the Eight of Cups. And those cups could very well symbolize country, people and household. Except of course, that’s the surface meaning of the word in Genesis, and the Chassidic masters never stop on the surface.

The Lubavitch tradition interprets these words as:

Go to yourself: return to your inner core, by going—
From your land: that is, by transcending your earthly desires,
From your birthplace: by overcoming your natural habits and inclinations, and
From your father's house: by transcending the intellectual limitations of your animating soul (since the intellect "fathers" ideas and, eventually, emotions as well).1

Rabbi Lev Yitschak of Berditchev, gives this command to simultaneously go forth and go within a further Kabbalistic interpretation, saying that YHVH sent Avram to find his true spiritual roots and fulfill his destiny of restoring the fallen sparks he finds along the way. (See Kedushat Levi, Genesis Lech Lecha 4)

In this way we can look again at the eight cups in the card. As they are arrayed, it looks as though one cup is missing. This suggests that the journey the figure is undertaking will be to find what is missing and restore it to its proper place. And this figure begins this journey by the light of the moon, descending into the unconscious even as the figure begins an ascent up a mountain. Going within and going forth. Surrendering attachment to the ego and one’s desires. Approaching the journey with humility.

Next time you have the Eight of Cups appear in a reading, consider the resonances of this Biblical story, and consider how it might shed light on the meaning of this card where it shows up in your spread. And please share your thoughts.

Note : Search the Chabad.org site for Chassidic Insights on Lech Lecha

Kabbalah Decks, Part 1

Ron Feldman’s Kabbalah Cards(TM)

There are lots of decks out there that are advertised as kabbalah decks. I collect decks that make such claims if I think they’re created with a respectful approach to the original Jewish tradition. One of my issues with the Western Hermetic tradition is that it basically strips out Judaism from Kabbalah (hence the spelling Qabbalah). And the first deck I want to share from my collection is perhaps the deck that is firmly rooted in the Judaic tradition, the Kabbalah Cards(TM) created by Ron Feldman, who is also the author of the well-respected book, Fundamentals of Jewish Mysticism and Kabbalah.

Like the standard tarot decks of today, this deck has 78 cards.

One card for each of the Hebrew letters, for a total of 22, corresponding to the Major Arcana.

One card for each of the Sephirot, across the four worlds, for a total of 40, corresponding to the numeric cards of the Minor Arcana

One card for each of the worlds, across the four worlds as represented by the letters of the Tetragrammaton, for a total of 16, corresponding to the court cards.

As you can see from looking at the Aleph card, the path shown is the path between Chesed and Gevurah, which is as it is assigned in classical Jewish Kabbalah. In the “Waite” wing of the Western Hermetic tradition, the Aleph corresponds to the Fool card, and the path is between Keter and Chokhmah.

You will also note that the card noted as Yesod in Briyah is numeric 9, corresponding to Yesod. And in the Waite system, this card would be the 9 of Cups, because in in the Western Hermetic Tradition, the world of Briyah is the world of emotion. However, the Hermeticists reversed the meanings of the worlds. In the Jewish tradition, Briyah is the world of Intellect. So that if you wanted tarot card images to correspond to the classic meaning, intellect, the suit would be swords, not cups.

As someone who is trying to work from the Jewish tradition, using a Waite-Smith deck, as you can see, these changes by the Hermeticists create difficulties. There really isn’t a 1-1 correspondence between these systems. Where I can, I give precedence to the original Jewish tradition, but since I work with the Waite-Smith deck that isn’t always possible.

I use this deck for study and meditation.

I’m sad to say it is out of print. a few years ago Feldman said he was interested in producing another edition, but I haven’t seen one out yet. If you’re interested in serious study, and if you can find one somewhere, this is a good deck to start with, though of course, like the Tree of Life and the Sephirotic system, it’s pretty abstract for those not rooted in the tradition.

Future posts will cover other Kabbalistic or Kabbalistically influenced decks, as well as decks that aren’t necessarily Kabbalistic, but use Judaic imagery as the primary symbolic language in the cards.