Yesterday I gave an example of how you can try out all the different permutations of meanings that can come from the different qualities of each Sephira in combination. This can be done every day. But today the first meaning off the top of my head feels appropriate for where I am today—and in fact it was the subject of a conversation I had with a dear friend as well.

Today’s combination of qualities for me connects to Endurance in Discipline. Personally, I have tried to take this social isolation as a spiritual discipline.

My first Vipassana retreat was a spiritual discipline that called for all my endurance. After the first few days of working up to it, on the third day we had a special sitting where we were required to sit without changing position for the duration of that sit. And that lasted almost two hours. And if you’re wondering if it was painful the answer is yes. And if you’re wondering if it was worth it, the answer is also yes. But this is a discipline I took on voluntarily.

Today I’m living with a discipline that is imposed from without. Oh sure, I don’t have to follow the guidelines. But I have a fondness for being alive, so I’m following the restrictions. As much as I want to go out and do things, as much as I want to meet with friends, go out on a date, go to a restaurant, I’m sitting with all that desire and not acting on it. I am enduring my loneliness and enduring my frustration, and all the feelings that arise when I am in a situation that is beyond my control. Not easy for a control freak.

The friend I was speaking with has a much tougher discipline that she must endure. She is a nurse practitioner in a hospital that is one of the hot spots in the city. She sees people die every day. People who are suffering and dying in agony. There are people she can help and people she tries to help but who are ultimately beyond recovery.  when I was required to sit without moving for one hour. She is physically and emotionally exhausted. Earlier today in a Zoom meeting with some friend I said we are living through a collective trauma. But my friend who is working in the hospital is being traumatized day after day.

Still, she does not run away from the job. Despite her fear of getting sick herself she shows up and works in close quarters with people who are deathly ill. Despite her feelings of helplessness, she continues to help dozens of people every day.

This is Endurance in Discipline. It is tenacity in the face of fear. It is perseverance even in the most difficult of circumstances. It is a steadfast commitment to the discipline of her profession.

And she is not alone in this. There are thousands of medical professionals in this city doing this work right now.

In the Seven of Wands we see someone who has the courage and tenacity to stand and fight against all odds in a situation represented by the Five of Wands—someone who is willing to live their commitment in the face of danger. In the face of the chaotic situation we can see in the Five of Wands.

When I think about my friends and her colleagues, my own struggle with endurance in this situation is nothing in comparison and I take courage from her strength, even as she feels she is at the breaking point.

One of the meanings of Netzach is Mission. And clearly my friend, and all these medical professionals have a mission. I was reading an article in the New York Times today about a young man, the father of a three-year-old and the husband of a doctor, who left his home in Texas to come volunteer to work in the hospitals in New York City during the crisis. It felt like I was reading about someone who had signed up to fight in a war. Except that in wars we kill other people—and here the mission is to save other people. The thing that struck me reading about him was that even though he is afraid he might not survive this job, he might not live to see his wife and child again, he feels like he is giving his life for a great mission. He feels like his life has a purpose it has never had before.

So while Netzach is also the Sephira of the ego, here it is clearly the ego in service to a discipline that takes it to a place bigger than itself.

And it all makes my complaining look somewhat immature. So rather than point a finger at all those who are flouting the discipline of this lockdown, I have to look at my own commitment to the discipline. My ability to endure in this situation.

What questions arise for you today? And how are you enduring in the strict discipline we find ourselves in?